Oprah's new network wont use the B-word

Oprah announced yesterday that her new network will be, "fun... without tearing people down and calling them bitches." So we can safely assume no one will attempt to describe Ann Coulter, Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton, Kate Gosselin, Heidi Montag, any of the Kardashians (including Bruce Jenner), Lindsey Lohan, Perez Hilton, Tila Tequila, Courtney Love, or Miss Piggy. 


via The New York Post

Nolan reveals next Batman movie title

Christopher Nolan announced the name of the new next Batman movie; The Dark Knight Rises. When asked why Nolan chose that title, he said, "I wanted to make a title that was impossible to be used in a porn parody."

via I Watch Stuff

Man asks for ying-yang, instead gets wang tattoo

An Australian man asked for a ying-yang tattoo, and instead got a tattoo of a penis on his back. Obviously the man was upset because of the homoerotic tattoo. The only tattoo more homoerotic? A ying-yang tattoo.

via Geekologie

Candy company sells gigantic Gummy Worm

Vat 19 has introduced the largest commercially available Gummy Worm. The company describes it as "Measuring twenty-six inches long and weighing in at approximately 3 pounds... a ribbed body, and a five inch girth." Sounds like the company is not only marketing the most massive gummy worm in existence, but also the most candy-like dildo. Sexually transmitted diabetes anyone?

via Geekologie

Product site

Clarence Thomas loves Boobies

Ex-Girlfriend of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas has come forward saying that Thomas was "partial to women with large breast," and, "obsessed with porn." Finally, Justice Thomas and President Bill Clinton have some overlapping policy.

via The Huffington Post

Favre gets offer to show off his penis on stage

Brett Favre got an offer to join the European traveling troupe Puppetry of the Penis. Favre is expected to take the offer because, twisting your penis into the shape of The Eiffel Tower in front of thousands of people in a modern traveling freak show is less embarrassing than the five fumbles he's had this season.

via TMZ

Man rescued after getting arm trapped in toilet

A Chinese man lost his cellphone in a toilet. After reaching in to try and retrieve his phone he got stuck. Rescue workers responded and spent five hours freeing the man. Rescue workers didn't take any questions after the ordeal because they were pooped.

via cnet

NBA bans spring-loaded shoes

The NBA officially banned a pair of spring-loaded shoes that were giving players an unfair advantage. It's expected to effectively end the career of starting center Wile E. Coyote.

via Popular Science

Jean-Claude Van Damme Suffers Heart Attack

Iconic action star Jean-Claude Van Damme suffered a heart attack on the set of a film on Monday. After being put in the hospital by his own heart,  I can only assume that Van Damme plans to investigate where his heart is hiding, fight a series of his heart's minions, make love to a beautiful woman, and about an hour and a half later fight his heart to the death in kick-boxing match.

via The Hollywood Reporter

Teen pleads guilty to staging bomb hoax

A North Carolina teen pled guilty to staging bomb threats to colleges, middle schools and FBI offices for a live internet audience. It's unknown when he will be sentenced, as the courts have been bogged down with bomb threats.

via Wired

Snookie gets diet offer

Diet supply company AcaiSupply.com offered Snookie a cut of a profits and a year supply of their diet products in exchange for an endorsement. Snookie will likely give a glowing testimonial, a bright orange glowing testimonial.

via TMZ

Betty White joins the cast of Men In Black 3

Betty White joined the cast of Men In Black III. Producers wanted White to join the cast to make the corps of Tommy Lee Jones look young.

via I Watch Stuff

Euthanized dog comes back to life

After a man attempted to put his dog asleep, he took the declared dead dog home to bury it, and the next day his dog was up, alive and well. This shocked most people, except for friends of Dick Cheney.

via The Huffington Post

Christine O'Donnell fails to name Supreme Court decision she disagrees with

In the Delaware Senate debate Wednesday night, Republican Christine O'Donnell was unable to name a single recent Supreme Court decision she disagreed with. But, to be fair there hasn't been any supreme court cases about witches. 


via The Huffington Post

T.I. talks a suicidal man off a ledge

A suicidal man was convinced not to kill himself after T.I. recorded a video message for the jumper.  Luckily the video contained no footage from Takers, which would have forced the man to end his life.

via TMZ

Vince Vaughn weighs in on controversial trailer for "The Dilemma"

Friday, Vince Vaughn spoke out against the persecution of his film's trailer saying, "Comedy and joking about our differences breaks tension." So stop being so faggy Gay & Lesbian Alliance.


via Hollywood Reporter