Arkansas hit with largest earthquake in 35 years

On Sunday, Arkansas was struck with it's largest earthquake in 35 years, measuring 4.7 in magnitude. Or as it's called in Los Angeles, an uneventful Sunday.

"Traffic again?"

via Fox News

More dead birds!

Around 500 dead birds fell from the sky in Louisiana just three days after thousands of birds died in Arkansas. I think this string of attacks was the work of Captain Sully Sullenberger, we already know he hates birds so much that he'd crash a plane just to kill a few dozen of them.

Sullenberger thinking, "This sky aint big enough for the two of us, bitch."

via Huffington Post

Tons of fish and birds die in Arkansas

A few days ago, about 3,000 red-wing blackbirds died and fell from the sky in Arkansas. Today, nearly 100,000 dead drum fish are floating along the Arkansas River. Good news for the dead birds and fish, it's better to be dead than in Arkansas.

Officials suspect the red-wing blackbirds may have died from fireworks or lightning. To tell the truth it was me who killed all the birds, try laughing at me now you fucking dog.

In a second statement, officials said that the large number of dead drum fish is probably the bust that followed a boom in population. This is probably true because BP doesn't have any operations in the Arkansas River.

via AOL News