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| "The street value of me is $3 million an episode." |
Monday, February 28, 2011
Charlie Sheen is on a drug called Charlie Sheen
In an interview Charlie Sheen said, "I am on a drug, it's called Charlie Sheen." He didn't mean that figuratively, it's just his way of saying he has 86% body cocaine.
via The Hollywood Reporter
Scientists developing device to print human skin
A team of researchers are developing a device to print human skin. And you though color ink cartridges were expensive.
via CNN
 |
| "Damn it, Mom, stop printing out forwarded joke e-mails in skin! There's like 100 lines of previous recipients." |
Libyan air force pilots defected to Malta
Two Libyan air force pilots defected to Malta because they didn't want to bomb their own citizens. The pilots are finding however that the grass is always more impoverished on the other side.
via NPR
via NPR
John Travolta caught without hairpiece
John Travolta was caught by paparazzi without his hairpiece. Good news for Travolta, he still manages to keep his biggest secret hidden, probably somewhere in the closet.
via The Superficial
 |
| A wild hog with male pattern baldness. |
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Washington: most common name for African Americans
In a recent survey it was revealed that Washington is the most common name for African Americans. This has changed dramatically since the 1700s, when Washington was the most common name for owning African Americans.
 |
| History is awkward. |
Google going to the moon
Google is paying $20 million to the first team that can send a rover to the moon. It’s a great initiative, but, one has to wonder who really needs street view of the moon?
 |
| Uh... left? |
Melissa Leo Hoping They'll Call 'Some Other Girl's Name'
Melissa Leo, nominated for Best Supporting Actress, said, "I have come... today hoping that they will call some other girl's name." Someone who doesn't want to hear some other girl's name called; your girlfriend.
via The Hollywood Reporter
 |
| "I'm afraid my doilies will catch on fire under the stage lights." |
Justin Bieber criticized Lady Gaga's fashion
Justin Bieber criticized Lady Gaga’s fashion sense calling it “gross.” Lady Gaga conceded that Bieber is right, adding she doesn’t have Beiber’s feminine touch.
 |
| So much androgyny, so little talent. |
Canada Gets All-Chicken TV Channel
In Canada there is a new channel that is 24/7 loop of a rotisserie chicken turning on a spit. In related news, Canada has one new citizen, Kirstie Alley.
 |
| Don't worry, you can go to the bathroom, I'm DVRing this. |
James Franco holding Oscar after party
James Franco is having an Oscar’s after party, but said, “everybody will not fit into my new bar.” Michael Moore is also holding a party because he, “got the hint.”
 |
| "I bet your precious party doesn't have mutton fondue." |
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Carol Simpson left job because of ageism
In an interview former ABC News Anchor Carol Simpson said she left the network because, she didn’t have the energy to deal with ageism. Simpson, however, does have the energy to eat dinner at 5:00 PM.
via NPR
 |
| Before I quit, I spent 10 minutes trying to remember where I was. |
Malaysian police arrest three for heist of 725,000 condoms
Malaysian police have arrested three suspects involved in the heist of some 725,000 condoms. The suspects hope the charges will be reduced to stealing 72,500 pairs of slippery gloves.
via MSNBC
Humanoid robot to blasts off with space shuttle launch
 |
| "What? I checked the fax machine yesterday?" |
Friday, February 25, 2011
Man Who Encouraged Murder of 'South Park' Creators Gets 25 Years in Prison
Zachary Chesser, the man who encouraged the murder of South Park creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker, was sentenced to 25 years in prison for advocating the murder of U.S. citizens. Not surprisingly, no one cares that Parker and Stone advocated the murder of the Kardashians.
 |
| Best. Episode. Ever. |
Eminem Overtakes Lady Gaga As Facebook's Most 'Liked' Living Artist
Rapper Eminem has overtaken Lady Gaga as Facebook's most 'liked' living artist. Lady Gaga was confused asking, "Which part of a balanced breakfast has he ever dressed up as?"
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| Pimps up, oeufs down. |
TBS Cancels 'Glory Daze' Comedy
TBS decided to cancel their hour long comedy, Glory Daze. The cast and crew will always remember their time on the show as the time in which they had fame and importance.
via Hollywood Reporter
 |
| I should have used a what? |
Donald Trump may run for President
The rumor mill is churning with news that Donald Trump may be running for President. It's unknown who would be Trump's Vice Apprentice.
via The Christian Science Monitor
 |
| "I'm for small business. Sorry, I meant I'm for exploiting small business." |
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Frankie Muniz warns 911 he's a celebrity
When Frankie Muniz called the cops, he warned the dispatcher that he was a celebrity. In response, authorities asked that to increase response time, please don’t make the dispatchers laugh.
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| "Yeah, and I'm a princess who rides unicorns." |
Justin Bieber calls U.S. health care system evil.
Justin Bieber called the U.S. health care system evil. And I agree, because it’s done nothing to cure Bieber Fever.
 |
| I have Bieber lime disease. |
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| Buy a bracelet, help find the cure. |
Facebook adds new relationship categories
Facebook added new relationship categories including domestic partnership and civil union. It’s great, but it still doesn’t cover the relationship I’m in, Sleeping on my grandma’s couch until she kicks me out.
 |
| Oh, never mind, it falls under "It's complicated" |
Sarah Jessica Parker wants 3rd Sex and The City movie
Sarah Jessica Parker said she wants another Sex and the City movie. The Sex and The City sequel is more likely than her other request, sex.
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| I don't wanna watch either. |
The Hangover 2 Trailer goes live
The Hangover 2 trailer debuted online today. The trailer reveals that The Hangover 2 will be two hours of quotes about how awesome The Hangover was.
via I watch Stuff
via I watch Stuff
Sunday, February 20, 2011
E. Coli converted into hard drive
Chinese University students have found a way to turn E. Coli bacteria into hard drives. The process is so effective, they already created 1 billion gigabytes of storage from a Carl’s Jr. Famous Star.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Moby DOESN'T call cops on home intruder
Moby didn’t call the cops on a man who was high on LSD and broke into his house, but, instead he gave the intruder $20. When asked why Moby said, “I’m not gonna send my one fan to jail.”
 |
| "I'll give you $20 bucks if you promise to go buy one of my CDs." |
O.J. Simpson attacked in prison
O.J. Simpson was allegedly beaten nearly to death in a prison but the authorities had done their best to keep the attack a secret. Simpson said, “I’m lucky that the guards didn’t get rid of the witness like I... nope nothing. Football's awesome”
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| "Oh, yeah that's my glo- Nope, nothing, it's a deflated football." |
Justin Bieber disappointed about Grammy Loss
In an interview Justin Bieber said he was disappointed that he didn't win a Grammy. He said it was almost as sad as when he didn’t make the tee ball team the week before.
 |
| "How can life get any worse?" |
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Frankie Muniz punches girlfriend and holds gun to his own head
Frankie Muniz punched his girlfriend during a domestic argument and then put a gun to his own head. Man, these episodes of Malcolm in the Middle are getting bad.
 |
| "Damn it! Not another b-story with Bryan Cranston in his underwear." |
Treyarch defends their games
Video game developer Treyarch, defended their games saying, there’s no such thing as bug free games. Taco Bell added, and the same goes for beef.
 |
| Too many bones for a video game, too few for beef gorditas. |
Coca-Cola's secret recipe discovered
Coca-Cola’s secret recipe has been discovered in a 32 year old photo and included, cinnamon, nutmeg, and orange oil. “Where’s the shredded cardboard?” Responded Taco Bell.
Lady Gaga says performing is like having sex with her fans
Lady Gaga said being on stage is like having sex with her fans. So, anyone who’s gone to a Lady Gaga concert should get themselves checked out.
 |
| "If we burn this place down right now, we could permanently get rid of HPV" |
Lindsay Lohan lashes out against media
Lindsay Lohan criticized the media saying what she wears to court shouldn’t be front page news. She added, "What should be front page news is pictures of me getting out of a car where you can see my vagina."
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| "There's no story here, she's wearing underwear today." |
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Hugh Hefner shares age when he lost his virginity
Hugh Hefner revealed that he lost his virginity at the age of 22. He also added Marie Antoinette was a wonderful lover.
 |
| "I had other things on my mind than sex. Like catching the plague." |
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Ringo patenting Ringo
Ringo Starr, drummer for The Beatles, tried to patent the name "Ringo." It didn’t work however, he did get the patent for, “the untalented Beatle.”
 |
| Musical geniuses and Ringo. |
Gisele says sunscreen is poison
Gisele called sunscreen poison, saying she wouldn’t put poison on her skin. Bret Michaels responded, “Ok forget the rest of the band, what about just me?”
 |
Damn, now what do I offer to rub on her back? |
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Hugh Hefner excited about his wedding
Hugh Hefner said he’s planning to spend the rest of his life with his 24 year old fiancee. He expects it to be the happiest 6 days of his life.
 |
| Money doesn't buy happiness. Just cheap whores. |
via The Hollywood Reporter
Black Eyed Peas Wikipedia page hacked
The Black Eyed Peas Wikipedia page was hacked after the Super Bowl to say their performance was inferior in quality to that of a high school talent show. It was the most truthful thing ever written on Wikipedia.
 |
| Haha... The Black Eyed Peas winning a Grammy? Very funny, internet. Change it back. |
Monday, February 7, 2011
17x17x17 Rubick's Cube is a reality
A puzzle maker invented a 17x17x17 Rubick’s cube. It is the first unsolvable Rubick’s cube because once you take off all the stickers, it’s impossible to keep track of them all.
 |
| Finally, a way to prove you're a virgin. |
Cell phone service restored in Egypt
Mobile Phone service is functioning again in Egypt. Vodafone said, "The people will not be deprived of their right to have pictures of Brett Favre’s penis sent to them."
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| I know there's an Egyptian out there that needs me. |
Kim Kardashian asks James Cameron for a role via Twitter
Kim Kardashian asked James Cameron for a role in 3D on Twitter. James responded, “I don’t have anything in 3D, but, I do have a project for you in night vision.”
Friday, February 4, 2011
Sheen's rehab could cast Warner Bros. $250 million
Reports indicate that Charlie Sheen’s rehab could loose Warner Bros. $250 million. Sheen responded saying, “you think that’s bad, I lost twice that in cocaine.”
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